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The Obnoxious Habits List

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Scene: We’re together and I seem quiet and sullen.

What do you think and how do you respond? Well, my sullenness could be…well, could be just me being me, really. Cause I am frequently quiet and sullen. But, and here’s the big but, you might be engaged in something on my obnoxious habits list. Check yourself.

Is this you?

1. You’re smacking your food/and or gum or popping and cracking it. It takes every stitch of being I have to ignore someone smacking on food or gum without imploding. If looks could kill, stock in gum would plummet.

2. You’re sucking your teeth or fingers or biting your nails. Mouth noises, again.

3. You’re whistling. Sorry all you shiny, happy people. Whistling hurts my ears.

4. You’re snoring.

5. You’re whining.

6. You’re begging.

7. You’re trying to start up a conversation on politics.

8. You’re trying to start up a conversation involving numbers. This just might be a shortcoming on my part because my brain is number deaf, but it’s probably you.

9. You’re trying to convince me that I should have breastfed and that it’s the end all be all to infant nutritional forms. Don’t do this. Please.

10. I have to have a number ten, so…if you find me suddenly quiet and sullen…you also might be a Jehovah’s Witness.

Hey, so now that I’ve alienated most of you, wanna come over and hang out? ūüôā

The Twins Love and Hate List

I admit it. ¬†I have a full-blown love/hate relationship with my twins. ¬†Go ahead and say what you will about my fitness as a parent but unless you’ve got twins you just don’t know. ¬†And Irish twins don’t count. ¬†That’s just about the fastest way to piss off a twin parent. ¬†Having babies even 9 months apart IS NOT, CAN NOT, and NEVER WILL BE the same as having two children at the same developmental stage. Two kids is two kids is two kids and any two kids can be a handful but throw in that “same developmental stage” bit and it changes the whole story. ¬†Don’t argue the point unless you’ve breastfed two newborns every two hours one hour apart for a few months. ¬†Uh huh. ¬†Beat that.

Another twin parent commented recently when asked if her twins and my twins were all hers that, “No, because once you have one pair, you stop!” ¬†That about sums it up. ¬†I’m tempted to say that sometimes I hate being a parent to these guys but my heart won’t let me. ¬†I hate certain aspects but the love I hold for them is unshakable. ¬†It’s with that thought that I offer my Twins Love and Hate List.

Hate It! ¬†The way they keep trying to kill each other. ¬†If I earned money for each time during the day that I had to pull them off each other, I’d be quite a wealthy woman.

Love It!  The way they love each other!  It must be so cool to have a built-in best friend to grow up with.

Hate It! ¬†The poop! ¬†The poop! ¬†The poop! ¬†It’s four and a half years later and we’re still dealing with poop. ¬†I dream of the day when the only poop I have to deal with is the cat boxes (and then if I’m lucky I can pass that off on them as soon as they can scoop without spilling litter all over the floors). ¬†Soon…

Love It!  Never have to do diapers again!  It was hard and heavy-hitting and a supreme poop fest while it was happening but I will take two and a half years of diapering my children over four or six or eight any day of the week.

Hate It! ¬†The expenditure. ¬†Kids are expensive in and of themselves but twins…holy moly. Twins have the added element of racking up all the big expenses at the same time. ¬†Three sets of hospital bills at once rather than two, two diaper bills at once, two daycare bills (if you do that)…the list goes on.

Love It! ¬†But when it’s done, it’s done…

Hate It! ¬†The stress level of having to keep up with two extremely verbal, extremely loud people who have practically zero self-control. ¬†What’s the old adage? ¬†Survive till five? ¬†One can only hope.

Love It! ¬†The anxiety quelling effect of two sets of “I love you’s,” two times the kisses, two sweet-smelling heads to snuggle up to at night, and just double the love period. ¬†You haven’t lived if you’ve not rocked two babies to sleep at once and smiled knowing their little bobbing heads are totally focused on adoring you back.

Twins. ¬†Love it or leave it. ¬†Guess I’ll stay.

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